So Many Things Going On

I kind of feel saddened that I’m not updating this blog as much anymore.

Anyhow, here’s a few of the things that’s been going on. Well, my grandmother is now back from Japan. I’m supposed to be happy. Well, at first I was. Because I thought, I recovered from the ‘trauma’ that I had to go through with her. But now… it’s all coming back to me. I’m breaking down more often. It’s not good.

You see, I can stand all the character attacks. I can stand it when she steps on my dignity… my pride… my character… my humanity. But do you know what I can’t stand? It’s when she attacks the image of my mother. My mother has been, as I once mentioned, the greatest source of strength for me. For me… I only have my mom. Without her… I don’t think I’d have anything. My grandmother needs to learn how to respect my mom in front of me… -o-

To my mom,

If ever you mess up… or do something bad… I hope you won’t show it to me. I’ll pretend to know nothing if ever I see it. You know why? Because you have this great image in my mind. You’re a hero to me.

If that image gets destroyed… what would be left of me? It’s the only thing I’m holding on to right now. I can’t hold on to my dad… his image and all the memories are long gone now. I can’t hold on to my only grandmother because she’s so mean with me. She hurts me so much.

She hurts me emotionally. Often time…  I would just stay on one corner… crying out. I notice I always call out ‘mom’. You see.. you’re the only one I have right now. Please be stronger for me. Let’s leave please… Take me away…